My wedding’s come and gone, but that hasn’t stopped me from oohing and aaahing over other couple’s nuptial styles. This weekend, one of Nate and I’s go-to double date couples tied the knot. The bride was a huge help when I was planning my wedding, and I was more than happy to return the favor for her!

For their late summer wedding, Kim and Dom wanted romantic colors (deep purple and ivory with hints of blue) and a really fun atmosphere. They were on a budget, but wanted to infuse their own personality into as many aspects as possible. They added playful touches with an unconventional cake topper and spunky ceremony music (the recessional was the theme from Top Gun, at which point the bride and groom threw on their aviators and boogied down the aisle). I really liked their child-focused centerpieces at the kids’ tables, which included candy, glow necklaces and small toys.

The bride’s dad used a razor blade to cut wine corks in half and then made slits for each of the placecards. This was a nice, personal touch for the couple as they live in Temecula and are big fans of the wine country.

The couple also made centerpiece cards with photos from throughout their relationship and named each table after an aspect of their relationship that they enjoy (Passion, Joy, Determination, etc).

My favorite part, of course, were the fish centerpieces. The couple used a large hurricane glasses filled with either beta or goldfish at each table.  They accented the main glasses with several smaller glasses (borrowed from friends to keep costs down) and filled those with floating candles and orchids. I’ve been to a number of events with fish at the table and it didn’t always turn out as well as it did at Kim and Dom’s big day (no fish were harmed at their wedding!).

Here’s my advice for a successful fish centerpiece:

• Choose older/bigger fish. I’ve seen  people use those tiny silver ones (minnows?) and…well, it seems to me that smaller fish are more susceptible to untimely death. I’d stick with large, mature goldfish or bettas.
• Bettas don’t get along with each other or other fish. Don’t ask me how they ever manage to procreate. Always keep them isolated in their own bowl.
• Don’t use tap water. Tap water contains chlorine and other chemicals that need to be neutralized before it’s safe for fish. On your big day, I’d say play it safe and buy some bottled water. Otherwise, ask at the pet store what neutralizer you should buy.
• Let water sit for at least an hour before adding fish to the bowl. This will ensure it returns to room temperature and the fish will adjust to the changed atmosphere more easily.
• Be careful adding floating candles, plants or other decorative items. I’d avoid mixing candles and fish altogether, but if you must do this make sure that the wax isn’t running down into the bowl and that the candle isn’t heating up the water temperature. If you add plants, make sure that they’ve been rinsed thoroughly of any pesticides or chemicals. And word to the wise: freshwater fish + saltwater shells don’t mix.

Also, you should have a plan for getting all the fish home. Don’t count on guests wanting to take your fish centerpieces, and make sure you have a safe mode of transportation for the fish after the party. It’s a good idea to keep the small betta containers that you get at the store, since those are easier to transport them in than large, water-filled hurricane glasses.

I stumbled across a New York Times article that asks a bold (and to me, slightly offensive and ageist) question: What is it About 20-Somethings?

The article ponders why adults in our age group appear to be having trouble growing up, moving out, and getting on with our lives. The author goes through an exhaustive account of scientific and sociological studies, lamenting the end of an era when kids grew up, got a stable job, had babies and eventually retired on pensions supported by the next crop of kids. We’re now getting married later, moving around more, and making fewer long-term decisions.

A century ago, psychologists determined that “adolescence” is what makes 12 to 18 year olds act irresponsible and moody. Now those psychologists are supporting ageism by claiming that us 20-somethings are in a developmental stage called “emerging adulthood,” which apparently makes us flaky, self-centered and unreliable. The article does point out that while many in my group are unemployed and living back at home, some are stable workers with steady jobs and families. However, the author never addresses the root of this divergence, debating instead how society should protect the slackers of the group without angering or alienating the more “grown up” ones.

As a 25 year-old, I’d like to present my own theory on why there’s such a divergence among my age cohort. I strongly believe that we all have goals, hopes and dreams and that we’re working diligently to achieve them.

Put yourself - if you will - in the shoes of a 20-something living in the 2000-somethings: We’ve been told since birth that if we study hard and do well in college, our lives will be set. We’ll have it made and the world will be our oyster. Yet most of us emerged from our educational career in the midst of one of the worst recessions in history. Companies stopped hiring altogether. People ready to retire lost millions in the stock market, forcing them to stay at jobs that would’ve opened up for us newcomers. Those already out of the workforce came back, using their experience to snag the few openings around. Many recent grads who managed to get hired were the first to be laid off when cutbacks began.

We’re trying. We’re really trying. But many of us are faced with a quandary: move back home and build our career with internships and “resume boosting jobs” that pay practically nothing, or wait tables in order to make rent. Generally, those who move home have made a calculated decision, weighing the long-term benefits against the short-term downfalls. Those who don’t have any parental support seem to fail or achieve success, with little discernable rhyme or reason.

We get conflicting messages, being told on one hand to build up a savings and on the other to live well while we have the chance (before all the responsibilities kick in). Our parents tell us we’ll be rewarded by working diligently with one company long-term, whereas the modern-day mentality indicates that we’ll get ahead by switching jobs frequently to build on past experience. In the field, many of us are constantly reminded that we’re the office “junior.” Older coworkers try to stick us with secretarial duties, even if our job title is Account Manager, Executive or Project Leader. Age discrimination in the workplace eventually wears on a 20-something’s enthusiasm. Our age group brings a lot of knowledge to the table – about the latest technologies, newest research and emerging trends – but most people don’t take our opinion seriously. When we try to speak up, older coworkers often seem bored, annoyed or even antagonistic. But with a growing age range in the office, it’s no wonder that ageism is dominating the workforce. We are vying for our elders’ jobs.

Also at this time in our lives, most of us are dealing with situations beyond our career. Our parents are getting older and some need our care. We’re juggling jobs, family, dating lives, and further education. A college career isn’t enough anymore, and we’re all searching for something else to bring to the table. Something that’ll make us fit in, or stand out, or fulfill whatever need that elusive employer is looking for.

So if we seem flaky and unreliable, it’s because the clear path that all those older people laid out for us has failed. We don’t want welfare and we really don’t want to be stereotyped. Us 20-somethings have an incredible desire to make it on our own and we’re eager to do whatever it takes. We’re just not sure what that is anymore.